Wednesday, June 4, 2014

An unnecessary fear

Usually when I sleep on my side, a urine can is kept in the correct position to collect urine. I had suggested this idea so that I don't have to strain to call anybody and I won't have to disturb anyone at night. But sometimes, the position of the can gets changed due to cough or some involuntary movement which will necessitate my having to call somebody otherwise I will wet the bed.

One night, I suddenly woke up and felt that the can was out of position and I had to make some noise to wake up somebody and ask to check the can. That somebody is usually Jaya. The nurse and Jaya sleep in my room and Jaya often has to do the night duty because the nurses often don't get up (except the nurse who had stayed for 12 years). Usually Jaya wakes up quickly on hearing my sound  but this time I did not hear any sound.

I tried to increase the volume of my sound and kept baying for what seemed like an eternity but there was no response and I panicked. I wondered what could have happened. There is a concept in social psychology called psychological distance, one aspect of which is temporal distance. When an event is thought to be far away in the future, an individual will think of it in abstract terms, looking at the big picture and not worrying about the details. But when the event comes closer, it is regarded more concretely and the details become important.

I suddenly thought of situations where I would have struggled if Jaya was not around. The hole in my stomach where the feeding tube is inserted pains often but she knows how to relieve the pain within a couple of minutes...Once something had entered my ear and I couldn't sleep; Jaya woke  up, did some trial and error and finally poured a little water into my ear and took out a small insect...Once my back had started itching; How could I have told that without dictating?...

I told myself that I was over-dramatising my fears. Maybe she was just exhausted, maybe I should try and hold my urine for a while, maybe the can was really in the correct position and I won't wet the bed....But when you don't want to think about something, you will think about it. Like that damn spot on Lady Macbeth's hand, the anxiety in my mind refused to go away.So I continued my croaks.

After a while Jaya suddenly got up and switched on the light. She had just been tired and drifted off into deep sleep. Boy was I relieved! The rustle in the grass was just a breeze and not a lion: it was a Type I error. (Type 3 error occurs when you are not sure if something is Type 1 or Type 2 error.I always fall prey to this error.)  The brain is a remarkable organ. As soon as I realized  that everything was normal, my pulse rate became normal and I began thinking about how best to torture you in my next post.

In Accounting, there is a concept of the going concern. Similarly life is a going concern and one has to keep going as if everyday will be just another day. I have ideas for wasting your time for next one year (don't panic; Bertrand Russell said that 'The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time' so all is not lost) but I am also aware that every post could be my last. Of course that is true for everybody;  it is just more true for me because I am dependent on a lot more variables.

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